Ode to my Hamster

As I walk through the pine wood shavings
I know who I am
I am a Teddy bear hamster
I am a Teddy bear hamster with an attitude

I don’t like the cage I am entombed in
Day and night exploring the same four corners
The same food that I have detested for years
I need out, I need adventure.

I must prepare for the night to come
The scraps of food left by my neglecting owner
Should be sufficient for the long journey
I must stuff my cheeks full

Midnight, all lights are out in the house
This is my big chance, my chance to escape
As I climb on to my wheel I have a sense of accomplishment
As I break open the plastic door, I feel…FREE

A new world has opened up with the plastic door
Places I could not imagine
But I must be on the move for I have a lot to do
For I have a lot to see

As I jump from the table where my cage has been placed
A most frightening sound echoes through my tiny ears
The sound of a cat with big pointy teeth
As it wakes from a deep slumber

I ran for cover quickly
As not to be seen
For if I was to be discovered
Death would show its ugly face

One Aprils morn

One April morn, all bright and sunny
I killed a man dressed as a bunny
He wasn’t right, not in the head
That’s why I turned his bunny costume red

In the place of its once brilliant pink
Lay a crimson stain and an increasing stink
I punched his noggin and assaulted his legs
I got off clean with a chocolate miniature of the man and his chocolate eggs

‘Twas not till I escaped the scene
The realized fact which till then was unseen
You see, on that April morn so bright and sunny
I had killed the Easter bunny

Our friend Bob

Don’t come back you drunken frat
I just can’t stand that stupid hat
Why I should pierce you with an arrow
For wearing that red plaid sombrero

You always were the crowds’ big joker
Cross dressing on ladies night just to play poker
But now you wear that stupid smile
As the girl across wins your cash pile

Like the night you sold drugs and went to jail
We paid five hundred for your bail
We don’t know where you got the crack
You said you found it in a sack

But you know Bob; you’re still our friend
And that’s on thing we won’t pretend

Winblows 98